Two weeks ago, life hit a brick wall.
Not because of some sort of dramatic instance or due to a life-changing circumstance, but because I simply decided I was too tired of disappointment to continue doing life the way I was doing it.
So.. I took a mental health day, pulled out a new book and started journaling… the Lord is teaching me a lot, many things about grace, too many things to handle about forgiveness and an insurmountable heap of lessons on trust.
I wanted to share a portion of what I’m walking through right now, please don’t correct my grammar, or look for a strong content flow… I can’t guarantee there really is one, however there’s a fairly decent portion or my heart…:
“Please… please stir my heart. Show me what true love and devotion to you and your Word looks like. Cultivate this in me now- in the midst of my despair and do not let me waver from it. My prayer is simple… show me how to delight in you.”
Seeing and Savoring– “If you don’t savor Christ, you haven’t seen Christ for who he is. If you don’t prize him above all things, you haven’t apprehended his true worth.” (10) No truer words can be said to marry the appearance of WHO God is in our lives with the understanding of WHY he is in our lives. We must start seeing the reality of God’s character, love and desire for us to be able to truly understand His purpose for us. To savor we must see. To live abundantly and in His presence, we must first engage him.
Our finite minds grasp desperately at an understanding of our “smallness” in comparison to the greatness of creation and the vastness of the surrounding world. Creation was the beginning of the glorification of God amidst humanity and we can only see ourselves in an insignificant light when forced to face the reality of a God-glorifying creation. However, this diminutive life we are given is not so much about us and our being… it is ultimately about the Lord. “The reason for “wasting” so much space on a universe to house a speck of humanity is to make a point about our Maker, not us. “Lift up your eyes on high and see: who created these [stars]? He who brings out their host by number, calling them all by name, by the greatness of his might, and because he is strong in power not one is missing” (Isaiah 40:26).” (14)
Why do we see the world in disrepair? Why do we see our lives in great despair? Because we have chosen, we have consciously made a decision to trade the purpose of our lives and of creation, being the glory of God, for other things.
Guidepost– we were created for glorification of the Father, the entire universe was. With that in mind, when we are half-heartedly “seeking” Him, why do we struggle with feeling fulfilled, or led, or being completely satisfied when we’re trying to fit together the puzzle of our lives? Because our simplest, most basic desire in life is going unmet… our innate longing for intimacy with God through glorifying Him. We were made for this. (14) Is. 43:6-7
“The physical eye is meant to say to the spiritual eye, “Not this, but the Maker of this, is the Desire of your soul.” “
Healing has to have a starting place… brokenness, hatred of duplicity, hopelessness… it all must come to a culmination where we say- “Enough is enough, you selfish woman!” and we approach the healing process. The healing of the soul then begins by restoration of glorification in our hearts, where we realize that the glory of God must have its rightful center in our lives and that nothing else can begin to mirror is captivation of our spirits and purpose.
P.S. Don’t look for a conclusion, I don’t have one. :)