It’s October 5th

It is October 5th, 10:34am

I know where I was on October 5th of last year.

Probably about this time, I was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee that my Mother so lovingly made me. Maybe even complete with my favorite creamer she had so thoughtfully purchased knowing I was coming home. Accompanied by the cat and bedhead, I was no doubt still swirling every thought and emotion of the previous month.

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“A craft room is going to make for a very inconvenient living space.”

“Drawing unemployment really feels like a defeat.”

“I have to babysit tonight. I’m 27. I just moved home after losing my job. And I have to babysit. This is not ideal.”

(I almost cancelled on the babysitting. This falls as #421 on the list of “Things I’m Thankful I Didn’t Talk Myself Into.”)

Babysitting was not such a bad task after all. I found a kindred spirit that day.

Is it not astounding, the change occurring in our lives each day? These days which add up to months, and the months which add up to a year…. a year responsible for developing some of the most acute heartaches and victories I have ever experienced.

Things I have learned:

  1. Don’t ever use the word “that” in writing. This is challenging, and the best thing I’ve learned about my craft this year. I know- so simple.
  2. A writer has to re-locate their voice about once a month. Especially when there is little to no time to write for oneself. Some days it is easier for me to write as a 60+ year old Guatemalan man than it is for me to write as myself.
  3. It is ok not answer a question simply because it is asked. Revelation.
  4. Friendships span oceans. I have been gifted with incredible kindred spirits in my life, which have encouraged, guided, and validated my humanity with no reservations.
  5. Speaking of humanity. It is ok to be human, and it’s ok to remember that you are. Just don’t stay there. Learn and grow.
  6. At 28 you start seeing wrinkles around your eyes.
  7. Introversion is not a handicap.
  8. Not everyone needs to approve of your life or the decisions you make, or the things that you struggle with.
  9. Everything will be ok.
  10. Pursuing a dream is the hardest work you can do in your lifetime.

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A year removed from what felt like the potential for a world crushing shift in life, a new precipice is settling stoic in the distance. The invitation placed in front of my feet, and this next step simply awaiting a response- a pursuit.

The steps are stepped, decisions are decided, and minds are made.

And what remains- is thankfulness, an acknowledgment and appreciation of the struggle of the last year and an acceptance of the struggle this new year will carry in on it’s back.

Thankfulness for the Providence of it all. 

 

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